Walking Away

If I walk away right now,
I never will come back
I've done this too many times -
An inescapable fact
I can't keep opening up
Just to then shut down
That lack of conviction
Is just jerking me around
I'm scared to proceed forward
With all the pain that brings
Especially since I can't stop
My constant questioning
But if I stop this journey
Don't deal with the abuse
My heart will shrivel up
And die from lack of use
Consumed by my concerns
I'm unsure what to do
I'm going back and forth, up and down
And sideways like a fool
But when I finally stop
All this crazy moving 'round
I'm still in the same spot
With my worries crashing down
In the end, through everything
There is one basic truth
Right now it feels like my world
Is all about abuse
Trying to remember
What happened to me
Is a never ending struggle
To turn on lights and see
Before the dark encompasses
My every waking thought
Before my questions take me
Someplace that they ought not
I need a new direction
That's soothing for my soul
Even though I know this trip
Is out of my control
We don't see the light
Until darkness surrounds
There's hope to heal, I know this now
Because much pain abounds
There is no easy answer
Of how I should go forth
No window opens by itself
Because I closed a door
Time will tell if my choice
Is the right one for me
All I want and dream of
Is to finally be free