Vulnerable

“I was raped,” I softly say
My words sound like a shout
I feel the world stare at me
And there is no way out
“Raped, raped” pounds in my brain
I’ve nowhere left to hide
The words stop my heartbeat cold
And rip me up inside
Someone touched my secret parts
The ones there just for me
And thinking about what that means
Just makes me feel dirty
His hand was there and then his – what?!
And all there was, was pain
Washing over all of me
Bathing me in shame
I didn’t know what had happened
As a little girl
The twisted thoughts that lead to this
Were not part of my world
Now these memories arouse
Feelings of deep shame
I can’t put it into words
But everything has changed
Who I am is someone else
Someone so exposed
I’m sick inside as to why
This helpless feeling grows
I know that I am not to blame
For what was done back then
But my embarrassment lives on
Amidst belief I sinned
So I keep choking on the words
To describe my past
Praying that God will show the way
To peace of His that lasts