Too Much Time

I've lived too much time
under you,
struggling just to breathe,
listening to every word you softly spoke.
You told me what to do and for
50 years
I've done it,
You've controlled the narrative in my head.

I hurt myself, once you stopped,
and never once looked forward,
still reliving
fractured moments
from our past.
You're in my skin, my bones, my breath,
haunting every part of me.
My mind falters trying to escape.

I am afraid of things unseen,
convinced, somehow, that you're
not really gone.
And when I listen to your sermons,
your voice still
frightens me.
I realize how easily you could return.

I live trapped halfway
in your world,
searching for a door,
a way to walk outside of
your control.
But all I find behind each door are
reminders of what you did,
your voice saying I never will be free.

I can't begin to speak up, to finally
find my voice,
until I silence yours and end your reign.
It's more than time for a dry spell
for me to walk alone, for you to lose
your power over me.

It's time for ME to haunt YOU,
my voice to rise up strong,
and fear of what I'll say
to bury you.
Then you'll feel a fraction of what
I've felt all these years as
I've lived too much time
under you.