Then & Now

it came in with a whimper,
a streak of blue coloring my world,
threatening to shatter
the mask i wore
to hide
my well-placed scars.
everything stopped.
time bent around this ache
i had lost myself to,
a victim
without a name,
my reality
tucked far away from the world,
lingering only in the past as
vulnerable,
afraid,
wounded,
words that described my
identity
as victim.
the shadows deepened.
a longing for light
blinded me,
but none was forthcoming
and i found myself falling through
my now, with nothing solid to hold onto
but remnants of my then.
... victim ...
it echoed furiously and in the
silence
that followed, became
more than just words
i was bleeding.
it became my name.
each breath lost,
digging further into my then
as i was smothered by the weight of what was
no longer there.
but in the distance between
then
and
now
one small truth emerged from the darkness:
i was still there.
still alive,
still trying,
and that's when I knew -
no more victim,
I had a new name...

survivor.