Sonlight

So tired of feeling guilty
When you’re the one to blame
Of choosing to ignore the facts
Accepting years of shame
But most of all, I’m tired of you
Being in my head
Influencing me all my life
In everything I’ve said
I owe a debt to myself
For what I’ve put me through
So now I’m paying off that bill
I’m getting rid of you
I’ve thought a lot about what way
Would satisfy the most
Kicking, hitting, screaming truth
Til down, at last, you go
I know that it won’t really be
It’s only in my head
But can a price be better paid
Than you ending up dead?
Of course, there is one problem
With my scenario
There is no extrication here
With just imagined blows
Violence is not the answer
That I am searching for
Plus, to rid you from my mind
I’d have to go to war
I want to surrender
To God’s compelling peace
That bathes my heart in Sonlight
And comforts me with ease
But I know I cannot have
The two things side-by-side
Peace and rage, though justified
Can’t both in me abide
I must accept that it’s your fault
Then learn how to forgive
Both of us for that path is
The only way to live