Screams Unheard

NOOOO!!!
Breathe in for the count before I explode
One beat away from the scream
I clutch my pillow, ready to use it
In this flashback driven dream
But no noise violations above a whisper
In my life, I just don't scream
Isn't that how all this got started
If looking behind the scenes?
I was silent then, I just froze,
SILENT from pain and fear
If I had a gun, I'd shoot myself now
For whispers that only I hear
Maybe in death I'd forgive myself
Maybe I'd learn to
let go
Maybe it's a hopeless cause
I think
it's time to know