Screams Unheard

NOOOO!!!
Breathe in for the count before I explode
One beat away from the scream
I clutch my pillow, ready to use it
In this flashback driven dream
But no noise violations above a whisper
In my life, I just don't scream
Isn't that how all this got started
If looking behind the scenes?
I was silent then, I just froze,
SILENT from pain and fear
If I had a gun, I'd shoot myself now
For whispers that only I hear
Maybe in death I'd forgive myself
Maybe I'd learn to
let go
Maybe it's a hopeless cause
I think
it's time to know

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All my life, I've been silent, not even screaming when I was being sexually abused as a child. Echoes of the screams that should have been are always in my mind, but nothing above a whisper ever makes its way out. Through my poetry, I'm working to change that now.