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I thought that it would stop
My feelings of despair
End all of my self-harm
And hate that came from nowhere
But what I’ve learned is it’s not
As simple solve as that
Turns out I’m more complex
And answers aren’t as pat
I’ve figured out the why
For this hurting of myself
But stopping cold the pattern
Is truly something else
It’s as if all these years
Of acting this one way
Have done enduring damage
Worn a groove inside my brain
For even though emotions
I’m slowly working through
The reaction’s at the surface
Of everything I do
So I turn to my old tricks
And find myself shut down
Afraid allowing feeling
Would turn progress around
But I am not the same now
As I was when this began
I’ve analyzed my every thought
And know just where I stand
Or maybe that’s the wrong phrase
For where I am today
Not where I stand – but kneel
As I bow my head and pray
My Lord has walked with me
On this journey straight through hell
He’s taught me to believe
That I really can get well
So I may still be learning
How to follow all His plans
But I know that I can take my life
And leave it in His hands

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