Out Loud

The silence is so loud right now
It’s deafening in here
I feel so lost and scared inside
I’m captive to this fear
But no one says a word to me
And I say nothing, too
If only someone looks at me
It might give them a clue
Except that I don’t look the part
Of frightened little girl
I hide behind a wall of smiles
That decimate my world
No chinks in armor that I use
To further guard my heart
How can something keep me safe
While tearing me apart?
The innocence that was in me
Was stolen in those days
My spirit left abandoned there
Harmed by evil ways
But I stayed quiet through it all
Everything he did
So sure was I that I’d be blamed
I took my life and hid
Then made the choice some years ago
To still not tell the truth
I didn’t think I should accuse
When I did not have proof
Thus we rewound to the start
With total lack of words
Though I had aged some years by then
My voice was still not heard
Not heard by others when I wept
Held hostage by my past
Not heard by me, trying to mend
Without looking back
It’s different now, for finally
I’ve learned to whisper truth
There are no secrets left to share
About my own abuse
And while I think I’ll always have
More journeys left for me
By standing tall and speaking out
I’m striving to be free