One Small Step

This can’t go on, I know this now
But will it ever end?
Hitting is my default answer
Time and time again
The mere thought of stopping makes me
Feel like I can’t breathe
A world with no self-harm just feels
Too far away to see
I don’t know how to walk this path
I feel like giving up
Before I’ve taken the first step
It feels like not enough
I’m noticing my feelings have
Beaten down my thoughts
To leave me at their mercy, where
I’m twisted up in knots
I can’t break free without some help
I understand this, too
It’s not too complicated as
I know what I must do
So I hit my knees in prayer
To a God Who sees it all
Who loves enough to pick me up
Every time I fall
I ask Him for His endless strength
To help me change my ways
The courage to live without harm
Each and every day
I don’t pretend to know how I
Will follow down this road
My brain can’t comprehend the thought
Of no self-hatred mode
But I will walk the best I can
While giving up control
To the Only One Who ever could
Heal my shattered soul