Never Gone

I lost myself today, at least my new-found strength
He can't hurt me, so I hurt myself.
Angry he's still in my head, I chose to punish me,
Easier than blaming someone else.

He was not explicit, at least not in his words
He never said "hurt yourself" to me,
But I learned my lesson about what I deserved,
All the times he hurt me easily.

With no apparent second thought, his whole mood would change,
Along with it, my worth in his eyes.
His every whim determined my reality,
Because he was essential in my life.

Maybe the most important person that I knew,
He held complete sway over me.
I thought he held that title only in the past,
But years later, I am still not free

He remains in my head, wielding all his power
All without now being in my life.
I make decisions based alone on what he did,
While battling flashbacks day and night.