Life

You thought you beat me
Without raising a fist,
Silenced me
With the weight of touch,
And shamed me
With one frigid look at me that said
It will always be your fault.

I listened to your every word,
Even the ones you didn't say,
But still managed to teach me their truth:

No one will ever love me.
I am a bad person, who deserves only pain and fear.
You will always own me, mind, body, soul.
There is no escape from this hell.
LIFE is an acronym for Living Isn't Fair Ever.

And then there were the ones you did say:

It's what girlfriends do.
You want to be my special
girl, don't you?
I know you love me.

Lines designed to elicit trust in your illicit behavior,
To twist me up inside until I didn't know if I was coming or going.
But I knew you were coming, always coming.

We played a game, you and I,
One that only allowed for two players,
Two sides,
And one of them had to remain silent at all times.
You always picked me for that side.

I tried once to speak, to say
Something, anything,
You shook his head and
Put your index finger on my lips

Shhhh

And you smiled, an empty smile
With vacant eyes.
I never tried again.

I didn't cry
After the first time, when you looked hard at my tears
And turned your head away.
I didn't scream.
What was the point?
You promised me no one would believe me,
And what's funny is
You were right.
No one did.

How can you accuse Golden
Boy of such terrible acts?
It couldn't have happened.
You're making it up.

What is wrong with you?

I asked myself that question a dozen times every day,
A baker's dozen, for good measure,
But the answer remained elusive.
I was just not quite right
Because I had been told
I was not right.

You didn't hurt me.
It was in my head.
Or was the truth darker than that?
You hurt me,
But none of what I went through mattered because,
After all, it's only LIFE.