Just As I Am

Just as I am, without one plea
Was the hymn that day
I nervously walked to the front
To follow the True Way
God, You provided a path for me
To follow from the start
An instruction Book to show me how
To find peace for my heart
I've stayed with You all these years
Believing in Your Word
But I admit I'm struggling with
Dealing with all my hurt
The perfect peace You said You'd give
Has slipped by me again
Instead, I'm left with self-hatred
Threatening The End
I self-harm when I'm like this
I don't know how to stop
I always hide what I do
So that I'm never caught
But You know all and see my actions
For that I am ashamed
Yet that just reinforces hate
More shame equals more blame
God, how do I just walk away
And leave that world behind?
This walk of faith makes me more anxious
Than the one last time
It's urgent I let go of needing
To control what's next
Lord, I know You're over all
And You can give me rest
I must decide not to act
On what I'm feeling now
And trust that these emotions will
Dissipate somehow
You knew my heart, my mind, my soul
Long before my birth
You're always honest with me, so
What is my true worth?
The day Your answer helps me see
I might be good enough
I pray You'll gently teach me
Who I am in Your Pure Love