In Your Name

How do I forgive you
When I still blame myself
When I can’t place the fault for this
On anybody else
So many people tell me
The guilt should not be mine
Because I could not have stopped you
Because I was just a child
And maybe that’s the truth
But not here in my mind
Where I had all the power…
But that makes no sense this time
Power equals right
To change how things occurred
But I could not control a thing
Including getting hurt
This was not a game we played
For fun when we were bored
This was an act whose name is rape
It can not be ignored
No matter what I said or did
At any time before
It does not excuse you forcing me
To become your whore
You made that choice, ignoring things
Like I was only 5
You did something horrible
And locked me up inside
So I may be the one who paid
The ultimate in price
But it was through your will
That I endured hell all of that time
You decided what to do
Then forced your choice on me
Survival was my only goal
Stuck on auto repeat
So maybe now I finally see
I’m not the one to blame
I may feel shame about what happened
But that is not the same
As true accountability
For all this grief and pain
That condemnation is not mine
It’s solely in your name