I Told

So deeply was my belief entrenched
That I should never tell
That it took me ten full years
Before I came out of that shell
Depressed and hurting by myself
I told a friend what I'd been through
But I couldn't actually say the words
I wrote them down: "child sex abuse"
And then guilt hit me, wave on wave,
Because the secret was out
It pushed my words back into hiding
As I was filled with doubt
I hated myself for telling anyone
The truth about my past
Which led to feelings of fear and shame
That did, unfortunately, last
I'm still trying to learn to forgive
Myself with the same portion
As I forgive the man who set
All of this in motion
At least I hope that it's forgiveness,
Not me discounting my pain
Both may end up with lack of anger
But they're definitely not the same