Help

I thought I was speaking loudly
Even louder than a scream
But the truth is all that speaking
Was nothing but a dream
The people in my daily life
Had no idea at all
That anything just might be wrong
That I had painful scars
I tried to tell in ways I knew
So they would understand
But in the end I couldn't show
The hurt held in my hands
It's true I didn't even know
What was so wrong with me
My heart was dialed to self-hate mode
And that I felt deeply
All I wanted was someone to ask
If I was okay
To notice under my shy shell
Was a girl in pain
I hurt myself but no one knew
How damaged was my heart
No one looked behind my eyes
To see the agony start
I faked the smile, even the laugh
Of smart girl relaxing
And made sure my report cards showed
The top grades I could bring
I made a promise to myself
Nothing'd get in my way
Of achieving all I wanted
Every single day
But the cost to be number one
Was more than I could bear
The lasting damage done to me
I have never shared
The price was high and brought with it
A hundred precise cuts
Maybe more, maybe less
But definitely enough
More painful than the actual cuts
Was what happened in my mind
I lost my strength to push my way
Through everything and fight
It became so overwhelming
And then I suffered more
Trying to keep my secret close
Was closing every door
If I wanted to be free from
The anguish of my youth
I needed to learn to open up
And speak out loud the truth
So I have come full circle
Beginning, end, and back
Starting over with no secrets
I hope I'm on the right track