Descent

I wasn't even six
When you led me down those stairs.
From safety's zone
Into a scorpion's nest.

Eyes squeezed shut,
I didn't see where to avoid,
So I simply lay down.
You did the rest.

I won't forget your hands.
Fingers long and graceful.
I melted when those fingers
Reached for me.

I thought I was so high,
A lofty child queen.
You were special,
Therefore I must be.

But gentle didn't last.
Graphic came to stay.
Three years of pain
Tore body, mind in two.

Those years of pretending
All was innocent
I dissociated hard
Over you

Bombarded night and day
By images and flashes
Memories of terrors
Done to me.

I couldn't sleep, couldn't work,
Couldn't live my life.
I kept hoping that

I'd finally be set free.

That I wouldn't hate myself,
Or say that it's my fault,
Maybe if I could,
In time, I would find

A more forgiving side where
I don't dissociate,
Maybe a world
Where I can heal my mind.